Monday, June 15, 2009

Love Means Saying More Than "I'm Sorry"

A pathway to truth forgiveness, by Lou Priolo:
1. Acknowledge that you have sinned. Let the party you've offended know that you acknowledge wrongdoing. This is humbling but necessary. Acknowledge not only that you sin but that you have sinned against this person.

2. Identify your sin by its specific biblical name. Do not simply acknowledge generic sin but acknowledge specific sin and call it by its biblical name (which keeps you from acknowledging something society may label as sin but the Bible does not). This ensures that you have thought deeply about your sin and have seen how it fits into what the Bible calls sin.

3. Acknowledge the harm your offense caused. This is also humbling. You must acknowledge that your sin has had consequences and that you are owning up not only to the sin but also to the harmful consequences your sin brought about.

4. Demonstrate repentance by identifying an alternative biblical behavior. Show that you have truly considered your sin by explaining what you should have done instead. Show what the appropriate alternative behavior would have been.

5. Ask for forgiveness. This puts the onus on the offended party to accept your repentance and to extend forgiveness to you. It completes the reconciliation between the offender and the one who has been offended.

I believe that we vastly underestimate the power of genuinely acknowledging our wrongdoing to one another, particularly those personal offenses that we inflict upon those who are closest to us: spouse, children, parents, neighbors, coworkers. Saying "I'm sorry" just doesn't go far enough. Saying, "I was wrong when I spoke to you in anger. Please forgive me."

What is not included in the list above is the necessity for these to be accompanied by a gospel-shaped response that includes mercy and grace based on what Christ has done for us.

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